Our friend and benefactor Mr. Matthew Haag joins Jon and Adam for a chat about things including, but not limited to, computer troubles, podcasting theory, new formats for the show, promise of future guests, the astonishing quizbot 5000, Jon’s secret past as a child radio hobbyist, how Tommy Lee Jones is a huge dick, Matt’s amazing cats, how the Chimney Sweeps from Mary Poppins are secret ninjas and many more topics. Remember, Silky J will not choke a bitch, but he will discipline a ho with unpaid vacation days, or a loss of stock options. Matt breaks a chair. Remember skateboarders, your pain is my happiness.
Movie PODCAST!!!!!! Well, if you are looking for movie talk about this week’s flick, Fast and Furious, skip ahead to the 45 minutes mark, as Jon and Adam get hyper tangential. The show now has a slick intro crafted by the music mastermind Matt Haag. Discussion ranges from childhood halloween costumes, Jon’s previous pursuit of the fairer sex, and so much more. Hold on to your shirts and prepare your tweed and pocket protectors because Shirt-pires are abound in this weeks edition of Born in the Eighties.
You read it! Zach to the T to the B is in Tokyo Drift for some reason. He is also dating the sluttiest girl ever. Adam discusses his shucking and jiving life lessons. Jon uncovers deep dark secrets of Santa Claus, (yes, again) and Adam fears that things have gone a bit too far off track. Turns out Tokyo Drift is actually pretty watchable, and Little Bow Wow is still a very little person. Jon suspects that he contracted that webster virus. Maybe he was bit by a feral Gary Coleman.
In an effort to make their games more extreme, many publishers have decided to add a male character yelling on the cover of their games. This simple decision increases the extreme quotient of your game by over 67%. Additionally, the person buying the game might be thinking that they are being yelled at by the cover. This will invoke memories of other times they have been yelled at. Most of the time those memories will reignite deep seeded family issues and make the viewer uncomfortable. To fix this situation, the viewer will often purchase the game to stop the yelling. If the user has a clean family past, this yelling will just bring up more questions. What is the person on the cover yelling about? Are they angry that someone is trying to steal their soul with a photographic device? Did they just get punched in a sensitive area right before the photo? We have little hope for ever answering these questions, but I suspect the plot of “The Mystery of the Druids” ties in with this all somehow.
Jon, Adam and Lance decide to sit down and watch all of the Fast and the Furious movies. It turns out that Lance hates generic cuban villians. We reminisce as a dude totally gets destroyed by a semi truck out of nowhere. The movie turns out to be one big pal-ing around fest where everybody loves each other and nobody dies, except for poor semi truck guy. Paul Walker apparently is the great white hope in the race driving race wars that apparently occur. In his sickness Lance decides to watch “Spanglish”, and he nearly takes a turn for the worse. The gang also discusses how to make an awesome popcorn action movie, and how terrible the Die Hard trilogy game on PS1 is. Listen in!
Things start off pretty morbid as Dr. Death dies. Jon makes the case for changing a classic phrase to include Pogs, and Adam tells the sordid tale of Jack Kevorkian’s life. Lance joins in at the halfway mark and zombies silently protest next to disabled children. Rabid beavers threaten to devour everyone. Jon drops some biology knowledge about rabid animals for everyone’s safety. Germans indeed know how to get freaky. A Teen wolf viral marketer is found growling at police. Lance is badgered by scammers Robert Deniro would be perfect for the clown in an IT remake.
Apparently all robots hate Jews. Adam wants a prehensile tail, while Jon could go for a genetically engineered tentacle in the center of his chest. Adam decides that in the awesome future, he will have a clone body, and Jon will become a kick ass robot. Turns out that Robo-jesus is kind of a dick, and Adam will stop at nothing to crush Jon’s Un-crushable robot frame. Gamma Rays flood the podcasting room and Jon and Adam are able to choose their own super-powers. Jon is a bit sinister with his super-powered aspirations. Turns out that Adam is more racist than a robot. Drunk men are very bad at robbing banks, they should just pass out in their cars. What is the proper way to throw a small child over a pool of lava? Adam and Jon take a walk around the wild world of accents, and Adam shows his insides to little kids.
Jon questions the plot of the “The Santa Clause” movie, and how Randy Savage would have made an awesome Santa Claus. We also discuss how all of Arnold’s bastard children begin their transformation at age 10, and how it is very similar to the movie “Teen Wolf”. Hulk Hogan’s Heroes get the better of Colonel Klink once again! It is a felony to photograph whale raping parties. Our two plucky hosts contemplate how the rapture will go down, and how it is fucked up to confess spanking it to some old dude in a robe. Kirk Cameron makes a deal with the devil, and ponders getting the extended warranty. Adam also considers how cool it would be to become a demon, though toiling away at Foxconn for a year sounds unpleasant to him.