Hello all and welcome again to internet masterpiece theatre.  This week we join our host Gerard Pilkington for a look into the wonderful world of the quartertothree forums.  User ZekeDMS decides that the Tomfoolery of a certain Jon Rowe is enough, and lets his voice be heard!  This dramatic reading was performed by Jonathan Thames Rowe, no relation to the user in question.Continue reading

Pigs become CEOs, and Tag Team sings about them. Yes, Isreal and Palestine are not friends. Lance and Adam argue about pointless things. Godzilla smuggles drugs into Turkey. The Kessler’s diamond guy is a huge douchebag.  Kessler’s may or may not have the bloodiest of diamonds.  Rubber is apparently the best movie ever made, and Jon can barely wrap his mind around the subject.  Lance brings news from Canada, and the crew talks about their desert island shows. Lance and Adam talk way too much about Star Trek minuatae, and Jon about whips a shitty on the podcast. Lance uncovers who really caused the challenger disaster.

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I’ve been wanting to make a list about this for a couple weeks and why not now? Here I sit, 4 in the afternoon on my third glass of gin and juice (They keep gettin’ stronger and stronger) on a day off. I’m making this list because frankly, I’m sick and tired of going to bars and having to play all the best drinking music, seriously people, I came to a bar to have a good time, not listen to blistering heavy metal (Especially not Korn, Slipknot, or Mudvayne as they are repeat offenders) and I also don’t want to hear any Rap (Here’s looking at you Eminem, who never wrote a song about drinking in his life!) I want to rock, I’ll allow a few other mellow tracks, but mostly a great drinking song is determined by how proud the band is that they have a problem, and with that I give you, The Top 25 Songs About Drinking!

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Thor comes crashing into the room asking whether or not our drinking problem is truly helping the war effort against the frost giants.  A dude runs in while tripping balls on bath salts and not only steals Adam’s innocence, but also runs off with our beloved pet goat named after a children’s TV show character.  It isn’t Lance’s fault that the Mexicans working the kitchen at the pizza place ruined their computer by watching porn, but he still has to do his laundry in that rape dungeon of a basement of his apartment.  We can all agree that Star Wars would have been 100x more depressing with Christopher Walken playing Han Solo.Continue reading

This is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Drinking Game.  This game is for the original run of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon that aired in the late 80s to early 90s.  You will get drunk, you will have fun, and you might die.  We at partyplatypus.com will not be held liable for anyone’s death caused by this game.  Time to get your freaky mutant turtle drank on.

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A teacher dresses up as Mark Twain but forgets to wear the pants, Jon’s 5th grade music class induces a Vietnam flashback. Ninjas break into cars, and get chased away by guidos weilding guns.  A modern re-telling of “Top Gun” would be flawed fundamentally, though U.S. Military planes have kick ass names. In Rural America, everyone drinks and drives, while attempting to elude the cops.  We discuss the Mechanics of getting a blowjob whilst walking, and how  awesome sticking your torso out of a sunroof is. Ghost ride an ATV dirty, and become a living god, meet Jack Hardcase, NBC CEO and remember, Patricia is the worst female name.   Links and more after the break.

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Adam and Jon are again joined by their guest Lance to talk about everything from the Bat Cave’s secret playboy grotto to the ability for drunken girls to take the fall at a party busted by the cops.  Lance outruns the local police, and whips a “shitty” in his dodge neon.  Meanwhile, Jon contemplates whether or not someone died in his car before he bought it.  All of the while Adam tries to decide whether the BK kids club or the extreme ghostbusters is more diverse.   All this and more in the 7th episode.  If you listened to these once a day, that would be a full week, and you would be a weird person for doing so.  Episode Links, downloads and web player after the break.

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This week Adam and Jon talk to their good friend and old roommate Lance.  He is a funny person, and he adds his unique point of view to the stuck up and stuffy podcast that Adam and Jon run.  His new free-wheeling ways upset the establishment and he is thrown out for being too “real”.  But, banding together with his new pal Rowdy Roddy Piper, Lance gets set to take over the airwaves with his own brand of realism.   Through a hilarious romp-ridden musical montage Lance takes over the studio from the opressors. Jon and Adam end up with pies in their faces, and a Tears for Fears song plays as the kids win!! Yay!  Also, Donkey Lips is still alive, I repeat, Donkey Lips is still alive.  Episode Player, Download Links and more after the break!

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