Hey, as part of a monthly writing assignment, I am going to be doing what I do best, and that is writing scenes. These excercises can be found here, feel free to join in! Here is the first one I have cooked up for May. It is based off of a song title from the “They Might be Giants” album Apollo 18. You can read the scene after the break. Let me know what you think.
What’s that blue thing doing here?
Characters:
Grendle – Goblin 1 Smart, and female. Sister to Grundle, has aspirations of being the dark lord’s top minion.
Grundle – Goblin 2 Dumb and loyal. He just follows orders.
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(Grendle enters in through the door, and walks over to Grundle who is standing at swift attention, she is taking her guard position, until she notices something odd)
Grendle – What is that blue thing doing here?
Grundle – What?
Grendle – That blue thing… there! (Pointing to the blue box on the ground)
Grundle – Where?
Grendle – Right there you bloody idiot! (Grabbing the goblin by the ears and pulling his head down to the blue box)
Grundle – Oh… I didn’t know what you were talking about.
Grendle – There isn’t anything else in the room but that blue thing! And it is supposed to go over there! (pointing off stage)
Grundle –Oh… That isn’t mine.
Grendle – Of course it isn’t! If it was yours I wouldn’t care.
Grundle – What?
Grendle – (Slapping palm on forehead) What do you mean what?
Grundle – Why wouldn’t you care?
Grendle – Because then it wouldn’t matter.
Grundle – But… I thought the blue things were supposed to go over there… (pointing off stage)
Grendle – (Slaps palm on forehead again) Sometimes I wonder how we are even related?
Grundle – We have the same parents.
Grendle – (Goes to slap palm on forehead again) Uggh… this is all going to leave a mark.. why don’t you just go off and get that blue thing out of here.
Grundle – But… I am supposed to keep it here for some reason.
Grendle – What?!?
Grundle – I can’t really remember.. but the boss said something about keeping the blue box here.
Grendle – Are you sure that you aren’t remembering that incorrectly? Can you even remember what you had for breakfast?
Grundle – No.
Grendle – You see?
Grundle – I don’t eat breakfast.
Grendle – (Goes to slap herself on her forehead, but stops herself in time, she lets out a groan) Why were you supposed to keep that box here… can you remember that?
Grundle – No.
Grendle – Than why are we keeping it here… the blue thing always goes over there! (points offstage)
Grundle – Not today. That’s what the boss said.
Grendle – (Getting visibly irate) You just said that!!!!
Grundle – Well, you keep wanting to move the blue thing.
Grendle – Because it doesn’t go there!!!! It goes over there (points offstage)
Grundle – Boss said to keep it here.
Grendle – I got that.. you imbecile!! I also get that you can’t even remember what you had for breakfast…
Grundle and Grendle – I don’t eat breakfast!
Grendle – AGGGGGHHH!! I know! But, why would this go here? The blue thing always goes over there (points offstage). This spot is where we stand. The blue thing doesn’t go here. Why would the boss want it here? Huh? It NEVER GOES HERE. 14 years of working here… and the blue thing has never been here. We have. And for 14 years I would rather have the blue thing as a partner than you. How did you even get a job here? You have to be the dumbest oaf I have ever seen. Goblins are supposed to be cunning… you are just… sad..
Grundle – That isn’t a very nice thing to say to your brother… (looking sad)
Grendle – … (pause, she feels bad for being mean) I am sorry! But seriously… why does the Dark Lord entrust you with all of this responsibility over the blue thing. I am the smart Goblin! I am employee of the month almost every time! I keep my room clean, and we have never had a problem ever. Hell.. I even keep your stupid grumpkin (slaps her posterior) from screwing everything up.
Grundle – Maybe he likes me because I follow his orders. I don’t go off and argue about moving the blue thing around.
Grendle – That may be… but how will you ever move up in the world if all you do is take orders.
Grundle – I dunno.. All I know is that the Dark Lord told me to put the blue thing-
Grendle – (Cutting Grundle off) Stop calling it that!
Grundle – What else should I call it? It is blue… and a thing.
Grendle – Call it what it is you dolt! You know very well what it is (She opens the box, Grundle looks flabbergasted)
Grundle – You aren’t supposed to do that.
Grendle – Do what? Peruse the dark lord’s favorite CHILDHOOD THINGS!!! (Dramatically opening the box, to reveal toys)
Grundle – You aren’t supposed to touch those!
Grendle – What? Will the dark lord be angry if we touch his treasured childhood things? (She throws a stuffed animal at Grundle, who quickly moves to stuff it back in the box.) We are guarding toys for god’s sake. Doesn’t that make you angry? We can’t even be trusted with something important. What do I look like? An elf? I don’t deal with toys.
Grundle – I don’t ask questions, I just do what he says. That is what we do.. we are goblins.
Grendle – And that is why you will always be stuck in room 141b. I plan on making my way up the ranks.
Grundle – That is nice… do you think you could get me a job?
Grendle – What?! … No… What? Why would I want to work with you again… you do nothing but get on my nerves.
Grundle – Well.. maybe if you just followed orders and kept to yourself… you would get that promotion.
Grendle – No… people like that never get a promotion. They keep going in their rooms and are never heard from again. They work 45 years and retire. They have a party, and the Dark Lord buys them a watch… and they are off. I want more than that. That is why we have to move that blue thing.
Grundle– But dark lord said…
Grendle – (mocking) But dark lord said… If you always do what you are told you won’t ever get ahead. The Dark Lord will see that I was doing the right thing and thank me for setting things straight.
Grundle – (moving to protect the blue box) I won’t let you move it. The dark lord told me to keep it here.. and stand over here.
Grendle – What did he tell me to do?
Grundle – Umm… he said for you to stand next to me.
Grendle – Oh… he did.. did he… Well, I am going to prove my point. I am going to stand over here. (moves across the room to the area in front of the door)
Grundle – No… don’t do that… We aren’t supposed to stand over there!!
Grendle – Well, for the past 5 months, I have been studying up on where the optimum placement of goblins such as ourselves. It makes so much more sense for us to be spread out in this room, and to have someone guarding the door directly. So, to show you that our all knowing Dark Lord isn’t right 100 percent of the time… I am going to stand here.
(There is a long pause, Grundle acts sad… but sticks to his post….and then all of the sudden the door bursts open)
Hero – Aha! A goblin! Take this evil doer!! (He stabs poor Grendle right in the chest, before she can get to her sword)
(Grundle looks like he is about to act… but stays put, he was ordered to)
Hero – Huzzah! The Goblin is defeated! Time to find that treasure… and that evil dark lord!! Ooh! Look over there!
(The hero proceeds to run to the door across the room) (He runs across the room and trips over the blue thing on the floor. Grundle pulls out his sword and stabs the hero in the chest, and moves back to the same standing position he was at before.)