We sit down and chat with Jon’s very animated ol’ buddy and his puppety pal, Snickers. We discuss why Jon is always bringin’ Adam down, Adam’s Native American Heritage, and Mercury’s 16 year old girl drinking habits. Mercury brings the crazy, controversial, and insane energy. Quite a listen.
Mercury’s Podcast
The Youtube Sensation
4 replies on “Born in the Eighties 37: With Mercury Stardust and Snickers”
Sometimes I love this cast so much I want to cut its head off and keep it in my freezer so it will never leave me!
Our fans sure are violently in love with the show.
Oh hi, Born in the Eighties. You’ll never believe the dream I had last night. Are you sitting down? Cool.
So there I was, fully nude. Half erect. Courtney Cox and Demi Moore were making a gentlemen’s offer to me when out of nowhere John began spin punching them. I tried to stop him but caught a nasty right hander square in my gob. To make matters worse, there were badgers attacking our legs, along with my now raging priapism.
Adam arrived just in time on a staggering donkey. This poor animal had suffered ghastly brain damage from repeated punches to its deteriorated brain stem. At this point I went totally flaccid and began sobbing uncontrollably. I never knew such empathy for a beast of burden. Makes you wonder who the real animals are, huh?
Anyway, Lance emerged from a skin-tag on my neck (I was quickly becoming covered in them) and began a naked-puppetry show the likes of which had only been seen on special occasions in Dachau. His hypnotic manipulation of these inanimate pieces of felt and plastic breathed life into them in ways that challenged my religious faith. It was getting hard to hear with all of the blood coming out of my ears, running down my legs and filling my my shoes. Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more everything stopped.
The universe had paused and I was surrounded by infinite, white space. It was like being in The Matrix or The Apple Store™
Out of the abyss emerged John, Adam, Lance, Tyler, and Reggie (that one black guy). I was breathing in labored heaves now, spewing bile and teeth out with each rattle. As reality slowly faded and gave way to the afterlife, the 5 of them played me across The River Styx all sharing one harmonica.
Just as the video went viral, I woke up screaming. I was soaked in sweat and saliva. The house I was in was not my own.
I scrambled away into the night gasping for air and questioning everything.
“The only thing we have to fear is rape. Rape by a guy. Especially if you’re a guy too.”
-Terry Funk
You really need to keep yourself in control of that Ayahuasca.